Just waking up from a pregnancy induced depression. Into the world of the living, or maybe the extremely tired, newborn baby, endless breastfeeding, grumpy mother of three world. There’s a blank history to the last nine months, one that I can’t remember. Unexpected baby, bringing physical disaster to my body, a dirty and lonely stint in Peru complete with incurable parasites,and a hot summer alone with my children, all brought an identifiable sadness into my bones. I often wondered if I was infusing the baby with my unhappiness and prayed she wouldn’t soak it all in.
She was born and the dark clouds seemed to drift away as she was placed on my chest. Wailing, pink, and angry- not sad. She had escaped my depression and now was stirring everything that had been shut off since I found out she was coming. “Look mom, I’m amazing! I’m beautiful and full of star-dust and magic. I can make you see the light in everything. I am joy!”
So I woke up. No use catching up but time to move on. Present in this place and full of words that spill onto this blog and stain bits of paper around me. Welcome baby, welcome inspiration.